Plain of Ice
... and if I am going to die, I will take you with me

In the Quiet

Started by Xiaolen Huang at Apr 03, 2019 4:01 pm
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14 Posts

Xiaolen Huang

Little Bee

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

? Years Young 22 Posts Goteijusantai Nibantai Lieutenant


So, she was right, in thinking it maybe wasn't a bad idea to tell him, at least, insofar as maybe kind of explaining some of the things that went on in her head. Someday, she was sure, he'd eventually run smack into that wall, and maybe not making him have to crash head-first into it for lack of knowing it was there, maybe that'd be nice of her. Even if she was loathe to talk about it, she also knew there were a lot of issues stemming from it that she'd never dealt with, for lack of knowing how to, or having the space to. This was, she'd figured out, the kind of thing humans got a therapist for, and true it was, the Seireitei had its own therapists now, thanks to Tachibana-Taichou's efforts, but that wasn't... she liked them well enough, but that was about the extent of that.

On the other hand, she supposed Junius sort of counted as her kind-of therapist, sometimes. Granted, she tried not to dump all her problems on him, but she was a bit less tight-lipped around him than most. But then, it wasn't as if he had anything to gain from screwing her over, anyway. Minor nobility his house may be, that was only officially, and in the Goteijusantai, his name held a lot of weight. The point was, she didn't have anything he couldn't get.

"You don't think it'd go badly?" she asked. "I think... I think that's why I haven't said anything, yet. My head's telling me that's a bad idea, that can only go terribly, and... the rest of me really wants it to be wrong." Xiaolen never was good at listening to anything but her head, she supposed this situation should be no surprise, and really, it wasn't. Frustrating, though, it was perhaps a little frustrating, because it'd be nice to just trust him and let the rest figure itself out.

She did. She didn't. It was a really complicated mess, but then, she hated the idea that he might react badly to it, and she didn't like the idea of a rift ending up between them. Ultimately, maybe that was what stayed the words. It wasn't that it could go badly, it was more it actually mattered what happened if it did.

Junius Tullius

Hurricane
? Years Young 7 Posts Goteijusantai Jusanbantai Captain


Junius considered that first thing Xiaolen asked for a moment while she continued speaking. It gave him a moment to decide how to answer it and figure out what he really though Habaek would probably do in reaction. It was like she'd had much to say, which wasn't surprising. Xiaolen wasn't the sort that really minced words, so to speak.

"No, I don't think it'd go badly." He sounded sure of that after a moment or two. There might be a part of Habaek that was initially surprised or even upset that he hadn't known before, but Junius was confident that would be overridden by the fact that he was glad she'd felt she trusted him enough to tell him finally, whenever it did come up.

"I imagine he'll just be glad you trusted him enough to tell him something that no one else knows about you." There may come a point in their relationship where Habaek might be more upset that she hadn't told him than pleased she finally had but... Junius had no reason to think they were anywhere near that point yet. Yes, they'd had eyes for each other for a long time, but because of that in some ways their friendship had seemed to be primarily surface level for fear of letting the other realize the truth.

It was nice that they were beyond that, and Junius thought it was a great sign that she wanted to tell him. "It's normal to be worried about sharing it though." He agreed after a moment. "Given how long you've kept it a secret." Still Junius was confident that in the end it would all work out. Habaek was far more reasonable than he'd once been, after all. And the other Shinigami did seem to love her. Junius thought that would be enough to get them through the truth.

Xiaolen Huang

Little Bee

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

? Years Young 22 Posts Goteijusantai Nibantai Lieutenant


Hmm. Maybe. It wasn't like Xiaolen really opened up about stuff like that, mostly because it was pointless, extraneous information that was really none of anyone's business, anyway, so she could see how it'd be kind of a honour that she'd decided it was your business. Junius was probably right, and Xiaolen was just being paranoid. It wasn't even like she didn't want to tell him; it might be kind of nice, to talk about her, because honestly, Xiaolen was fairly proud of her daughter, and sometimes also wasn't. More because she wasn't proud of how her daughter had come to be; she still should've been stronger than that.

It was all water under the bridge, now.

Instead of answering with words, though, she loosed a confused-sounding groan, and thunked her head on the other side of his desk. These emotion things, they were difficult, but she knew that. Ashera always said that nothing worth anything was easy, and sometimes Xiaolen had to wonder if any of it really was worth all this trouble.

"I guess I'll... see how it goes," she decided. Yes, some of these things they talked about were going to be difficult, but, Xiaolen never really was one to run from things that were difficult, and this shouldn't be any different, even if it felt like it was. "I should probably get back to my division and out of your hair," she said, sitting back up. "... and your manor security is fine," she added. "Just, not up to handling a Huang." Yes, she knew she'd just outed herself. It wasn't like she intended to quit, though.

Someday, maybe. But it never really did feel like enough, all the same, and maybe it never would.

Junius Tullius

Hurricane
? Years Young 7 Posts Goteijusantai Jusanbantai Captain


Junius nodded slightly after Xiaolen finally spoke. That was, after all, probably the best idea. Only she and Habaek could really cross that bridge at this point. All Junius could do was stand back here and be encouraging. ... And maybe be an ear, if maybe the Jeon didn't take it as well immediately as either of them hoped. Junius was still confident that he'd eventually come around but you know, that didn't necessarily help in the moment, and the Shinigami was certainly aware that she would need support if that did happen.

"You're always welcome here, you know." Ah, but they did both have jobs and she wasn't wrong, about the fact that they could probably oth use to get back to work fir a while at least. Just.... Junius had felt the need to make sure she knew that it wasn't that she was in his hair.

And that... should have been more surprising than it was. Or maybe more concerning than it was. But, ah, knowing that it was Xiaolen did make him feel better, even if his security was failing. Because it was her and she was safe and honestly nothing he could rig would keep her out for long, that was for sure. .... On the other hand, he'd only said a dozen times or more that she didn't need to give him anything, that he'd done what he did because he wanted to not because he expected anything in return.

On the other hand... maybe that was just a battle he'd long since lost, and he should give up on. Whether he necessarily thought she should or not.