So, she was right, in thinking it maybe wasn't a bad idea to tell him, at least, insofar as maybe kind of explaining some of the things that went on in her head. Someday, she was sure, he'd eventually run smack into that wall, and maybe not making him have to crash head-first into it for lack of knowing it was there, maybe that'd be nice of her. Even if she was loathe to talk about it, she also knew there were a lot of issues stemming from it that she'd never dealt with, for lack of knowing how to, or having the space to. This was, she'd figured out, the kind of thing humans got a therapist for, and true it was, the Seireitei had its own therapists now, thanks to Tachibana-Taichou's efforts, but that wasn't... she liked them well enough, but that was about the extent of that.
On the other hand, she supposed Junius sort of counted as her kind-of therapist, sometimes. Granted, she tried not to dump all her problems on him, but she was a bit less tight-lipped around him than most. But then, it wasn't as if he had anything to gain from screwing her over, anyway. Minor nobility his house may be, that was only officially, and in the Goteijusantai, his name held a lot of weight. The point was, she didn't have anything he couldn't get.
"You don't think it'd go badly?" she asked. "I think... I think that's why I haven't said anything, yet. My head's telling me that's a bad idea, that can only go terribly, and... the rest of me really wants it to be wrong." Xiaolen never was good at listening to anything but her head, she supposed this situation should be no surprise, and really, it wasn't. Frustrating, though, it was perhaps a little frustrating, because it'd be nice to just trust him and let the rest figure itself out.
She did. She didn't. It was a really complicated mess, but then, she hated the idea that he might react badly to it, and she didn't like the idea of a rift ending up between them. Ultimately, maybe that was what stayed the words. It wasn't that it could go badly, it was more it actually mattered what happened if it did.